Crafty Lady

My Knight's Tale project wouldn't be complete without a little cross-crafting. For my Etsy shop, I got the idea to make some cards inspired by heraldry, which is a prominent part of Jocelyn's awesome felt coat. I plan on making my own coat of arms coat (hehe) when I find the perfect jacket or sweater to embroider or paint, (obvi still in development) so I have been doing a little preliminary research on the Shaw coat of arms. Lots of options between the Scottish, English and Irish versions (What can I say? My people are mutts.) Some wolves, some cup looking things and also a really scary looking fist holding a dagger. Annnnnyway, the search made me wonder if there were any ridiculous crest animals, so I though I'd make my own sets, starting with the Puffin:



Alcidae is apparently the family name for Puffins (English teacher who blatantly Wikipedias over here), which I thought would be a nice little joke. Next on the list I am thinking hedgehogs, bunnies and maybe a Pomeranian? Or Dachsund? Any other suggestions?

Also, go check out my Etsy shop and notice how everything is in pink gouache, cause I can only afford white and red and also this ish lasts forever.


Ombre nails




This was just another A Knight's Tale inspired DIY project, but a quick one. Purple ombre seems like a pretty en pointe inspo considering the color pallete of the movie plus the whole dip dye obsession. So in  an inspired procrastination move, I painted my nails. The bottom coat is called "Storm" and I have no idea what the brand is, as it is one that ganked from my mom and is so old it's lost label. Top coat is OPI, but that color sticker is missing. (My nail polish citation is a real mess).  The background is the awesome wallet E bought on Etsy for me (so awesome that it was RUN OVER WITH A CAR and all my stuff was completely okay)








Ha ha, Jessica Simpson is dumb.


Okay, I feel conflicted about this post, because one of my biggest critiques of Jezebel is that I HATE how a blog that aims to serve a no-nonsense critique of pop culture through a feminist lens (usually successfully) occasionally, conflictingly, tears women down. Case in point from the February 8th Dirt Bag Section:

 "Everyone's friend and Dionne's totally on-and-off boyf Donald Faison says that his pregnant wife Cacee Cobb and her pregnant best friend Jessica Simpson think that having their wombs full of cells at the same time is so fetch. 'Imagine if you and your best friend were pregnant at the same time – Cacee's loving it. They hang out all the time anyway, but now they hang out and talk baby stuff, look at baby stuff online, and go shopping for baby stuff together.' A nice break from their usual chats about nuclear fission. "

 Months before, a different section of the blog ran the story "Former Us Weekly Editor has some Nerve being Pissed about the Post Baby Body Obsession," which pointed out the hypocrisy in former editor Janice Min's stance on the harsh discussion of women's bodies when she herself made a living on photographs of these women (Simpson is cited by name as one of Min's victims). What strikes me as interesting here is that this article's stance is to defend Simpson's female body against ridicule, while the Dirt Bag gossip dig targets her intellectually. 

 I get it, different writers, different rhetorical purposes, and it is just a joke. But at the same time, a site that writes incredible critiques of the wearying, unfunny and CONSTANT barrage of jokes that rely on tired, old stereotypes (feminists are unfunny, guys like boobs, ::ahem:: blondes are dumb) should try and avoid the pitfalls of making them. 

 I, by the same token, will try to avoid a similar pitfall of mocking Jezebel in a mean-spirited, self-serving way, (the post label Jezehell not withstanding) but will instead try and critique some of the more problematic aspects of the blog. I think this joke at Simpson's expense is one such problematic moment, in which a closing zinger feels both catty and completely unnecessary and undermines some fo the great work that Jezebel does offer those folks in the middle of the pop culture and feminism venn diagram. 




What I Drew: A Knight's Tale Outfit #2



This outfit came out a little more hippie than medieval, but the point is to give a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to Emily Wexler who sent me this truly beautiful shirt, the bell sleeves of which are EPIC and I have basically been scouring thrift shops for WEEKS looking for something with this shape as an homage to Miz Jocelyn. 

IRL, these pants are SOOO wide that you can barely tell that they are pants. They look more like a pleated maxi, so all together I think maxi plus bell sleeves plus the sort of creamy, linen fabric of the shirt qualify this ensem as A Knight's Tale inspiration outfit. 

Goodwillin'

The first place I go for any project is obvi Goodwill.  Here are some dressing room snaps:





Clockwise from top left:

1. I liked the shape of those knitted sweater sleeves (or more accurately, my 14 year old self did) but I need another black, open cardigan that is designed to not actually keep you warm like I need, umm...nothing.

2. Those black Victorian booties are my own (Aerosoles, and I believe they are on super sale. P.S. They do teacher discounts, friends). So is the silk skirt, which is another Goowillian find that may or may not be a slip IRL. The jacket is now also my own, as it was the only purchase I made from this trip. I took out the shoulder pads, and when I'm wearing it, I roll the sleeves to downplay the matronly. I was unsure about the colors, but the sheerness and the back ( it is split almost all the way to my shoulder blades) seemed appropriately Jocelyn.

3. The lion detail was from the best blazer EVER, that was ALAS! too small.

4. I really wanted that long, black jacket to work out so that I could embroider on the back, but it seems a bit too clerical, no?

5. And last but not least, the middle, which was a top of an awesome color and texture. Burgundy velvet seems like the epitome of vaguely medieval costume aspiration. However, the vestyness of the piece was...awkward... in the armholes. The trick with success at Goodwill is to strict, even if something is only three bucks. If you don't like it as much as any full price piece, don't buy it.


Overall, I added a little neon photoshop for funsies, and in the spirit of Jocelyn's random color palette face-painting experiments.






Here some things that were amazing OTH, (on the hanger) but not OTB (on the body, specifically mine).






















These are hand-to-God leather sweatpants. I had to try them on even though they had a.) nothing to do with A Knight's Tale and b.) obviously looked terrible, as leather sweatpants will.  The little cami was the right color scheme for my current inspiration, but it was like an extra extra small.

I also passed up on a really awesome, totally unrelated jumpsuit that would have required a bandeau, which is not a look I do well.

Trip Grade: C-. I wanted to be super inspired, but all I left with was the top. Oh! and a project- unrelated (non-canon, if you will) striped shirt, which seems to be my sideline obsession, but we can discuss that at a later date.





A Knight's Tale: Runway 2013

Runway 2013

Runway 2013 by kathuhleen on Polyvore

Images from Vogue 2013 Fashion Week coverage, Designerz Central & The Fashion Spot. From top left: Acne Spring 2013 Ready to Wear, Maison Martin Margiela Spring 2013 Couture, Valentino Spring 2013 Couture,  Gucci Spring 2013, Tommy Hilfiger Spring 2013 Ready to Wear, Christian Dior Spring 2013 Couture, Gucci Spring 2013, Jean Paul Gaultier Spring 2013 Couture


A few runway looks from the latest shows that seemed particularly relevant to my midwinter project. The overall conclusion? VIVA LA MAXI!


All images are screenshots taken from the film

A recent rewatch on Crackle reminded me that this movie has INCREDIBLE style.  While the 1972 Rolling Stones tour is cited as direct fashion inspiration for the gents, I am OBVI more interested in the ensems of Jocelyn, the leading lady.  I find the face-paint a little proto-hipster, (I mean, good call for a movie made in 2006) but the maxi lengths, sheer accents, ombro dip dyes, elaborate hairstyles, (WHY don't we–and by 'we' I mean society as a hole, 'cause  I actually do–wear HATS anymore?) goth jewelry, bell sleeves, and heraldic embroidery are all begging for some DIY.  So, without further ado, I present A KNIGHT'S TALE as my month-long inspiration project.

Covers



Here are some covers i made for a pdf of eric's work so he could proof it on his nook. i think everyone should bug him to let them read it. it's really good!!!

Christmas Project

I loooove holidays. No, seriously. I make my boyfriend celebrate Dia de los Muertos every year. I have a Halloween specific cookbook. I began decorating my house for Christmas yesterday, and I'm not going to stop until the entire place is festooned ( that's right, festooned) with paper garlands and those paper stars you make when you are a kid ( more to come on my holiday "Living in" ala Design*Sponge).

But, lately, and I was just discussing this with emily wexler, the magic of familial tradition has felt thin and routine. Ever since my grandparents died and my aunt picked up and moved off without so much as a fare-thee-well, things have been weird. At first, old people Christmas was fun. We got up at noon, drank bloody marys (maries?) and finished off with the holiday by two. Now, this feels less fun. As does the gauntlet of pre-season errands my mother usually takes me on. Lately, everything feels tiring and sort of perfunctory.

This year, my project is to enjoy the season. Really, truly, recapture some of the magic that it felt in the holiday season. I have lots of little projects to that end, and I'll share some of them along the way. The task I set forth today, and intend on completeing this week, is to write a letter to Santa. I haven't done that in years, because a. it is supposedly weird for adults and b. in this modern world, all my present requests are usually carefully delineated by budget and practicality. Well, this letter will have none of that. No budget, no practical requests and perhaps best of all, no real expectations. Just that sort of tingly hope feeling that maybe, just maybe, I might get one of those imposible things I just wished for. After all, I have been pretty good.

I fully intend on sending it as well. How bout it folks? Wouldn't you like to send a grown-up letter to Santa? What would you ask for? Let me know...

Rant: Mechanics

Not of the garage kind, though they are intimidating. Of the stylistic sort, used in writing, which I am expected to teach, though I don't really understand.


My grammar is entirely intuitive, learned from reading voraciously as a weird, bookwormish kid. I have never diagrammed a sentence in my life. No one taught me those standards. I got a graduate degree from the University of Chicago, and no one seemed horribly concerned about my potential comma splices (I am not kidding when I say I learned exactly what that was THIS YEAR).

I don't know the rules, yet I'd be willing to bet that overall my writing passes "the standards." I think the idea is that you are supposed to learn the rules to acheive the standard, but my own disjointed relationship to this system has me in a constant state of pedagogical schizophrenia. "Do as I say, not as I do" feels disengenous to me. But I am brand new, and dependent on the system for its Powerpoints and its rules and its meager little paycheck. I work in a system of standards; I teach in an institution. I am supposed to make managable, reducible and presentable the chaotic, personal, occasionally violent act that is writing, which is really the process of thinking, over which no one really has control. And the grammar instruction, ugh, the worst tool of them all, meant to contain the arbitrary in a false cage we label important.


Grammar and mechanical usage are the high holy measurable standards, the real big dicks, the elites. This, this is what the other teachers expect. " Oh, you teach Composition? My students sure need that. Some of them can't spell the days of the week!" What is this to do with me? I don't teach spelling. I am expected to GRADE on spelling, to punish offenders, (or at least have a joke at their expense. I will confess that someone's fear of the Government using the state educational system as a " genie pig" was worth a chuckle) but not really to teach it. The "shouldn't they know that already?" defense.


The problem with grammar and spelling is that everyone forgets it should serve meaning, not the other way round. The standardization is there to make communication clearer, to transmit more perfectly (or as asymptotically close as possible in this crazy system of thought, feeling, word). Whatever standards exist ( and I have my doubts about some of these) are there for convenience, not because on a tablet from the ancient hills the Old One spake a comma shall follow an adverb clause only if it comes at the beginning of the sentence. Like almost everyone else you encounter, Grammar is a little messier and confusing when you get to know her well.





This is my favorite:



John likes bacon, while Ed prefers eggs.

The use of "while" indicates that this MIGHT be an adverb clause, in which case you would need NO comma since it comes at the end of the sentence, but if you remove the comma it changes the meaning of the sentence to be about two events happening concurrently, for example, at a diner. Why do you use a comma?

ANSWER: You use a comma because it is a strong contrast. WHO KNOWS THIS STUFF?




Try explaining this shit to ESL students, who want to assimilate all the rules precisely and perfectly and then apply them like studious human translation machines. And for the purposes of their quizzes, they do. The rules work out beautifully in the quizzes where they have to track down the missing semicolon in " The work was hard therefore, he was tired when he got home," a sentence that lives in a different galaxy than the ones they are actually asked to compose. The problem with the "grammar cage" is that it beautifully, maddeningly, constantly fails to actually contain the thoughts and ideas that run riot from their pens. This drives them nuts and makes me look a fool, when the things I taught them break down in the face of complex syntax in a single sentence. How do I turn this frustration into appreactiation? How do I teach the rules out of the corner of my mouth and endorse the freedom out the other?



One of my colleagues said "sometimes what they do in my Beginning Writing is just poetry." It seems to me this is systematically destroyed by the time they make it up to Advanced Writing and they are all clamboring for the rules, the rules in EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE like a herd of demanding, grammatical zombies.



So, should we start a campaign to destablize the unjustly warranted power of grammar? Let me know what you think, friends.



This is all part of my larger quandry of what the hell we mean by standards. Whose standards? Standards for what? What is a measurable standard? How do you measure it? Who gives a fuck? Stay tuned for more probing questions in next week's RANT: Standardization